Thursday, May 11, 2006

Soft News

Call out the national guard! Young men are having problems with their boners!

At least, according to the Washington Post.

Incredibly enough, they found a handful of College boys who were willing to be quoted in a national newspaper as having trouble getting it up.

One of them, a seior at UMD, "bench-presses a respectable 280 pounds. He fights fires in Howard County as a volunteer and plans to join the Secret Service in the fall. In short, he's a man's man."

(The last person you would expect to have a floppy dangling wang...)

"Or so he thought until last fall..." (When the boner train left town!)

"when he hooked up with a sophomore -- at her urging." (At her urging! O my!)

"The girl really wanted to make a go of it with him. On learning earlier that he had no interest in pursuing a relationship, she had offered to be his "friend with benefits," and he had agreed. In his mind, that decision was a no-brainer."

But, alas, it was a no-boner. So, anyway, the man's man can't get it up, and the Washington Post is having a really slow news day. So, why not invent another crisis?

"It seems that for a sizable number of young men, the fact that they can get sex whenever they want may have created a situation where, in fact, they're unable to have sex." (Yes, the Post is really arguing that young men are turned off by horny girls!) "According to surveys, young women are now as likely as young men to have sex and by countless reports are also as likely to initiate sex, taking away from males the age-old, erotic power of the chase."

Connect survey A (Boys are having trouble getting it up) to survey B (young girls are horny) and run the story! Throw in he-man who can't perform and stir well.

"I know lots of girls for whom nothing is off limits," says Helen Czapary, a junior at the University of Maryland. "The pressure on the guys is a huge deal."

(We all feel terrible for them, right? Right???)

"Statistical evidence is difficult to assess because surveys are few and vary in definition, from the occasional problem to the long-term condition."

So, it's tough to tell what the deal is, so let's throw in some crapola about the age-old, erotic power of the chase and call it a day. But, let's hedge our bets with some other possible factors.

"In certain young men, impotence can be a result of diabetes, cardiovascular disease or other organic problems. But for students such as the ones Brodie and other mental health professionals see, experts point to lifestyle. An increasing number of students arrive on campus taking antidepressants, some of which reduce libido and sexual function. They consume larger amounts of alcohol at one time than in years past, killing performance. Smoking, lack of exercise and anxiety also may be factors."

Antidepressants, stress, binge drinking, caffiene, drug abuse and cardiovascular disease... Yeah, those could play a role... Or, we could go back to the original thesis...

"One can argue that a young woman speaking her mind is a sign of equality."

(Well, one could say that, if'n they was a witch!)

"That's a good thing," says Sawyer, father of four daughters. "But for some guys, it has come at a price. It's turned into ED in men you normally wouldn't think would have ED."

Let's get that straight- a young woman speaking her mind leads to Erectile Disfunction! A young man who can't get a boner unless his mate doesn't speak her mind isn't already screwed up in any way, right?

That damned women's movement! It's led to a generation of horny willing babes who want to try kinky sexual practices... and everyone knows that that's a young man's worst nightmare!

So, the thesis of this story is... are you ready?

Young men are not sexually aroused when they encounter nubile horny young girls!
And why not?
Because there's nothing less arousing for a young man than a nubile horny young girl who wants to have wild sex with him!

Anybody buy that?

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