Monday, October 29, 2007

The Subtle Comedy of Dismemberment

As if the singing fish wasn't irritating enough... You can now buy the same thing, but with... uh, severed breasts mounted on the wall. Get it? Now you can combine your love for humorless novelty products with your love of serial killers. Well, or your hatred for women, I suppose.

Before your head explodes trying to figure out how that stupid thing is funny, Shakesville has posted more pictures of custom toilets that, hilariously enough, make it appear as if you're actually peeing on headless women. Get it? To even further confuse our understanding of hick comedy, Feministing has pictures of a urinal that allows a man to pretend to be having sex with a headless woman while actually urinating. Because urinating isn't much fun if it doesn't involve rubbing your penis against a cold Plexiglas body where hundreds of complete strangers have also rubbed their penises.

Seriously, though, misogyny aside, aren't these things just kind of creepy? If you saw this in someone's house, wouldn't you sort of wonder who they have in the fridge?

I guess I just have no idea who in the world buys these things. Probably the same people who we see in Hamilton driving around with fake balls hanging off their pickup trucks.

8 comments:

Holly said...

See, this is one of those things that I don't get, that doesn't strike me as intriguing.

If you're already driving a testosterone-powered vehicle of some kind, and having to hang a scrotum off the back of it, you probably ought to be contacted for some mandatory therapeutic tasering, and/or estrogen therapy.

Peeing into headless women, yes, makes me wonder who thought that was good. Who was sitting around with some folks, and said, "Hey, you know what would be AWESOME!...?" and then fiberglass urinal fairing history was made...? The one good thing I can say about that is, it has finally given me a visual more foul than a story I heard about a guy who went to the same gym as one of my friends. The guy and my friend had the same hours for working out, and the guy would always shower, and then park his junk on the counter while he shaved at the sink. Every day, 5-10 minutes of standing around nekkid with his ball sack and penis resting on the counter in front of the sink. I guess communal fiberglass pee-whores is, in fact, nastier than that. At least the guy at the gym had just showered...?

The wall mounted singing breasts... I don't even know what to say about that. It'd make more sense to have a wall mounting singing vagina. It could sing mournful torch songs.

gregvw said...

A wall-mounted vagina that screams at you to take out the garbage would make a great holiday gift.

Rufus said...

The thing about the wall-mounted breasts is that the inventor actually explains on his site how he came up with them. Apparently, a big part of the inspiration was a country song entitled 'Titties and Beer', which still doesn't really explain much. It's too bad I couldn't have been a fly on the wall for that great moment in American history.

The site also has a bizarre commercial in which two men at a bar miss out on two gorgeous women who want to talk to them because they're staring transfixed at the musical animatronic breasts. I think it's supposed to be subtlely joshing us males. Aw, c'mon, it's so true- we really do avoid talking to human women because we prefer robotic severed breasts. Haw-haw.

As for the wall-mounted screaming vagina- have you guys just figured out how to make your first million?

gregvw said...

"Titties and Beer" is a Frank Zappa song. It's hard to imagine him thinking of this as a good idea

Rufus said...

Are you sure it's the same song? Because the song on the site sounds very non-Zappa to me. I suppose there could be two songs called titties and beer, right?

gregvw said...

No. It's a different song. Here the original song of the same name:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4YRZV14zD-k

Rufus said...

That's a relief.

You know, I would actually pay for a Burroughs Singing Asshole...

Holly said...

I can't claim to speak for Burroughs, but I imagine the talking asshole is really only effective when it's attached to a... regular asshole. The usual kind of talking asshole. You don't want one.