Friday, May 16, 2008

Jeez, if you love each other so much, why don't you go get married?!

Among the myriad and sundry spam emails I've gotten was one memorable one that read:

"They're going to allow gay couples to adopt in Florida! Do you know what this means?!"

"That back-to-school clothes are going to be fabulous?" I responded.

I never heard from them again.

I have to admit that the first thing I thought when gay marriage was made legal in Canada was that whoever made little plastic gay couples to put on the top of cakes was going to get rich. It turned out though that they were already out. Claire and I were planning our wedding at the time and the wedding shows had all sorts of glitz and frippery for both gay and straight couples. The law changed a few days before our wedding, which means that gay marriage has been legal for nearly three years now, right? (Just kidding honey!)

Since then, Canadian society has not collapsed, nobody has been turned into a pillar of salt (not that I know of), and nobody in Canada has married their pet. That was the iron clad argument against gay marriage, right? Everyone could marry their cat? The law is actually interesting that way in that it doesn't change like that. For example, by law, I can get a pilot's licence; however, my cat cannot get a pilot's licence, even if I dress her like a pilot. I'll stop boring you with the complex legal mumbo jumbo.

Nevertheless, there are people who want the law changed back here, but they don't have much of an argument at this point. Are they going to claim that Canada is like really, really gay now? Have they ever seen the mountie uniforms? Do they realize that Celine Dion became famous in Canada? Even more annoying is the fact that many of these "Canadian" organizations are actually located in the US and trying to get our laws changed. (Many of them are also located in the Cenozoic Era) To his great credit, Stephen Harper handled the debate by asking the Parliament, "Hey, you want to debate gay marriage? No? Then the issue is now closed." Forever. Canada has gay marriage. Hot gay marriage, I might add.

The first thing to point out about California is that the ruling yesterday has nothing whatsoever to do with "judicial activism". It was a group of judges deciding that the way they current law was being carried out was insufficient and unconstitutional. It was the opposite of "activism"; it was also the opposite of "special privileges" as it extended an exclusive privilege to all citizens. Lastly, when the anti-gay groups come out with the inevitable constitutional amendment, which I have no doubt will read, "Marriage is between a man and a woman, so suck it, les gays!", this will be extremist activism. And hopefully it will be struck down. Lastly, could some journalist explain the legal system in these articles, so people will stop thinking that it's roughly like American Idol and judges study and develop expert legal opinions just to "give the people what they want"? I'd be ever so grateful.

The last thing to say is congratulations! Maybe it really won't last, but for a short time ten percent of the nation will live in a place where they can marry whoever the hell they want. (Just not cats.) This is great news. Especially for Ellen DeGeneris, whose fiancée is hot. Jesus, the news can be depressing; if it's not about who just shot up a mall, it's about who just bombed a neighborhood. But, for a few days, we will get to see pictures of happy people in love basking in the glow of one another. I have no idea what sort of cramped and narrow soul you'd have to own to be angered by that, but it can't be good for your health, your family, or your culture. I never used to cry at weddings, until I got married. But now, seeing other people in love celebrating that love, only strengthens my feelings for Claire; it doesn't weaken them. But, as I've gotten choked up reading the news stories, this means that I'd better not go to any weddings there, or I'll be crying like a baby!

Oh, and you know what else it means, right? Fabulous wedding showers.

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