Wednesday, February 02, 2011

The Invention of Dating

So my friend broke up with his girlfriend recently when he found out she was cheating on him. And I felt bad for him, but still, you have to admit that we men got away with murder on his whole monogamy concept. How did we ever convince women to go along with that?

Imagine the first man that ever proposed this idea.

Some caveman talking to a cavewoman...

"Okay, so here's the thing. As a woman, you're going to be strikingly atttractive to every single man you meet. Pretty much every one of them is going to turn into a Tex Avery cartoon wolf if you wear anything slightly form-fitting. Every one of them would crawl across broken glass for the chance to have sex with you. A surprising number of girls would too. And you know, eventually we'll create magazines and movies to try to convince you that it's only like that for the really hot women- but, the truth is, all of you women are beautiful and could have sex with about 60% of the other human beings you encounter. Sound good?

"Okay, now here's the next thing- you can have multiple orgasms- you can come like 12, 15 times in an hour and be fine. Meanwhile, men have to take a nap after jerking off. And, unlike men, you'll reach your sexual peak as you get older. So, you're sexually superior and attractive to about half the population. Hypothetically, you could spend all day having all sorts of sex with all sorts of interesting individuals or groups of individuals."

"Okay, now don't get so excited! Here's what we were thinking: instead of having all sorts of incredible sex with lots of different people, how about you commit yourself to one man for life and he'll just get older and fatter and balder as the years go by and eventually want to pop off on you about once a week. All this could be yours! What do you say? I'll get my secretary to get the paperwork together.

"You don't want this? Oh, boy. Let's go to Plan B. If you do anything else, we'll call you a 'slut'. Slut? It's a word we just made up for a woman who does what any man would do if he had breasts and a vagina. It's terrible. You don't want to be called that.

"Oh... you're not worried about being called a slut? Oh, boy...

"Hey, Larry! It's not working! Why don't you start writing that Bible we were talking about!"

5 comments:

Holly said...

I can't speak for other women, but I sure as shit didn't agree to that!

Rufus said...

Well, admittedly, it was a dumb joke. Per usual.

Holly said...

Couched as a joke, but the point is valid. And I really don't know how women agreed to the roles they have in so many cases in the modern world.

Rufus said...

It sometimes seems like there have been sweeping social changes that nobody has noticed yet.

I also find the dichotomy between who we are versus who we want ourselvres to be an endlessly fascinating topic anyway. This is the real problem I have with most dramas about romantic relationships- they always seem to be so juvenile and idealized. Maybe the fictional version is what screws up real people.

rufus said...

"I also find the dichotomy between who we are versus who we want ourselvres to be an endlessly fascinating topic anyway."

Also, it's the great classic subject for comedy.