Tuesday, November 06, 2007


Also, I might be posting less for a while. Or, I'll continue posting things that are strange and grumpy. We have entered the gray months here in Southern Ontario, which last for approximately five or six months straight. For me, this is like entering that unreal city, under the brown fog of a winter dawn.* In other words, it sucks. Not only do I experience a good bit of seasonal depression, but I've also not been able to hit the old Prozac bottle for about two months now, due to this insurance snafu. So, if I seem a bit bleak lately, it's nothing personal.

I'm never sure whether or not I should talk about mental shit- is this a professional space, a public space, or a personal/public space? But, the way I look at Prozac (or as I like to call it "the 'zac") is not so much as something that alters my personality; I tend to see it instead as being like walking on a sidewalk with heavy winds knocking me down, and the zac as removing those winds. Otherwise, I'm about the same. Normally, when something irritates me, I curse, forget it, and pet the cat. When I'm off the 'zac and something irritates me, I curse the world, drink whiskey, lie on the floor for several hours, and glare menacingly at the cat.

Anyway, I'll let you know when I am normal. Or normaler.

*And yes, I realize that I have mangled the fuck out of Eliot's meaning there.


Holly said...

Couple thoughts come to mind:

1) it's your journal, you post whatever you want.

2) nothing will affect everything you do like your mental state, so that's relevant in any case

3) ever tried light therapy?

Rufus said...

They've actually recommended light therapy for the skin condition. We've been talking about getting a lamp. Actually, it's occurred to me that I'm going to miss most of the shitty months this year anyway because I'll be in Provence.

Hiromi said...

Hey, when you going to Provence?

Rufus said...

In January, if I can get organized. I have to study in four different archives in Nantes, Paris, Aix-en-Provence, and Marseille. I'd actually like to be in Marseille during the winter months, and visit my sister in Morocco. Of course, I'm totally looking forward to going. But I'm not honestly looking forward to being away from my wife for months on end.