Sunday, June 29, 2008

New Wave is Gay?

Homosexuality is a very difficult lifestyle: do you have any idea how much Whitney Houston they play in gay bars?! I'm really convinced that there are some gays who come out of the closet, visit the local gay bar, hear Cyndi Lauper, and go right back into the closet.

Actually, we have a beloved friend who has been struggling with coming out for about, oh, five years now. His friends and family completely adore him, and his parents are liberal, godless Canadians anway, so they really wouldn't care; but, alas, he's internalized so much homophobia that he thinks the news will be a devastating tragedy for everyone else (aside from Claire and me).

But, for me (being shallow), I keep thinking what a relief it is to know a gay guy who listens to cool music- all he ever plays us is this terrifying death metal that could easily cast Whitney Houston screaming into a lake of fire. I just think he needs to come out for cultural reasons! Of course, there's an irony here in that our gay friend listens to death metal, races bad ass cars, and does extreme sports, while me, the one with the wife, gardens, listens to Madonna and Bowie, collects fashion magazines, and adores Audrey Hepburn movies. But, alas, the difference is that if I had the chance *, I would have sex with Audrey Hepburn, again and again.

Anyway!... Salon recently ran an article detailing a New Wave Mix-Tape for Coming Out. It's definitely a step up from "I'm Every Woman"! But, again, we have so much work to do...
* (And wasn't already married to her superior, of course!)


Brian Dunbar said...

he thinks the news will be a devastating tragedy for everyone else

I know the process of 'coming out' is a terribly complicated one and how your friends and family feel is but one of many aspects but .. unless 'everyone else' is a complete ninny they likely already know.

Or at least that was my experience with my oldest son.

It was obviously a terribly difficult moment for him and I'm in some ways not a very good parent .. but it was hard not to smile and say "well duh" when he finished his "welp I'm gay" speech to us.

Brian Dunbar said...

But, yes, your actual post.

I do adore me some Cyndi Lauper. And Miss Hepburn is to die for: who couldn't watch Breakfast at Tiffinies and not want to just pick her up and get her away from all that?

Rufus said...

Yeah, she has this one dance scene in Funny Face that's probably my favorite scene in a movie. It's just such a joyous, silly scene and it's also incredible dancing. I can't even do the twist, but she was good enough to keep up with Fred Astaire. I'll try to post the youtube clip if I can find it.

It's not so much that they're ninnies, as much as Canadians, so much more reserved. They just don't talk about such things. But, what makes it hard is that there's a distance between him and everyone else, and of course how painful it clearly is to him. It's like he thinks he's let everyone down. And, he's very sensitive, so every time he overhears a stranger say something gay-bashing in a bar or on the street, it's like he carries it around with him.

I'll be honest, there are times when I see how much he's hurting that I just want to find a homophobe and kick them in the nuts.

But, I'm sure you can understand that, if he does finally come out, it's most likely going to be a tremendous relief for everyone. His family just wants him to be happy- they're not picky about who he's happy with. It's like he still has mourning to do though.

Holly said...

1) Please don't have sex with Audrey Hepburn, she died 20 years ago. If nothing else, her heirs would certainly feel a little uncomfortable about that kind of thing.

2) I sometimes wonder if there's a build up about coming out that makes it harder for some than it could be, because it's "supposed to be hard"? I lost a dear friend to the coming out process in high school, I've always hated that his coming out involved divorcing his straight friends. So, so unnecessary. We all knew he was gay and had no problem with it.

3) Man I love all that gay new wave music. Whitney Houston can blow me. So to speak. :)

Brian... what DID you say? if I might pry?

Brian Dunbar said...

Please don't have sex with Audrey Hepburn

My kingdom for a time machine!

Brian... what DID you say?

It's been a few years, but I said something along the lines of 'I love you and support you and want you to be happy'. I didn't say 'well duh' until the next day. Then I asked when we'd meet his boyfriend and have him over for dinner.

Rufus said...

Sounds like good parenting to me. I hope I do as well... if, you know, our cat ever comes out to me.

Yes, I'd lean more towards the time machine scenario, or cloning. I'd assume that's where the technology is headed- personal Audrey Hepburn clones.

I do think there's a pressure for people to be "100% certain" before they come out. I don't know that I've ever been 100% certain of any preference, but I'm in love with Claire. So, I'm sure of that. I don't know why someone would ditch their old friends though.