Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Kids Say the Stupidest Things

So, Claire and I went to a bar-b-que this last weekend at the home of an old friend of her's from University. I was miserable. (I know, I know. I like to bitch. It's part of my charm. I hope.) Luckily, she was miserable too, so I didn't feel so bad about complaining when we left.

First off, we show up with our friend Laura and the hosts do not introduce us to anyone! There are like five people in the living room who we don't know and the hosts say something like "Hey..." and that's it. So, from the start, we're amongst strangers and we feel like we crashed or something.

Secondly, no beer. No beer at all. WTF mate? It's a bar-b-que and we're all at prime drinking age and there's no beer. Worst off, I suspect this had something to do with the host's kid being there.

Thirdly, there's a dude there who has to tell everyone who enters all about his job. Now, I tend to agree with the French custom in which you absolutely do not ask or tell people at parties about your job. I know that it is different here. But, the guy would not shut up. And he was a High School shop teacher! So, it was all about how his kids are so misbehaved and how hard it is to deal with misbehaving kids. zzzzzzz... Isn't shop class intended for the JDs?

Fourthly, there was a girl next to him who said "Nice!" in response to everything anyone said.

Fifthly, there was another girl who worked at a Children's Museum who also complained about the kids who she had to deal with. I wanted so badly to say "You know, there are jobs where you don't work with any kids at all. No, seriously..."

Sixth, the host's kid was the center of attention for like two hours. I'm sure he was cute, but for crying out loud! How long can you watch a three year old eating dirt in the backyard? Claire and I are not breeders! So the constant questions "When are you two going to get an addition to your family?" are annoying. And then you say "Oh, we don't really want kids..." and they act like you just said that you hate Jesus. All quiet and uncomfortable.
Then, all they can talk about is children. "Yeah, he wanted a girl, and everyone wanted us to have a boy. But, I don't really care." To which I had to bite my tongue not to say, "Yeah, we want a girl... but trapped in the body of a boy."
I mean, I know that children are precious; I'm the one who thinks that they should be locked in a safe after all. But, god! It's like these people's lives were boring and so they added a kid to heighten the boredom. And what Puritans! I wanted a Pepsi ("Just one Pepsi and they wouldn't give it to me! Just one Pepsi!") and the guy said, "Oh yeah, I wanted pop, but she'll only have Diet Pop in the house. So, I didn't think anyone wanted that." No. No we don't. We want a Coke and Rye. Heavy on the Rye. And horse tranquilizers. Make it snappy!

It's a child's world really. We just live in it. God forbid going to a party and listening to music/ drinking alcohol/ drinking pop/ smoking/ etc. The little ones might see. Oh the little ones! Pint-sized fascists.


Becky said...

I do wonder sometimes if having children automatically makes your IQ drop. There's a family I babysit for and the mom has, like, 3 degrees from Harvard and shit and the dad has 4 degrees and 12 patents for things I can't even pronounce and yet they use words like "poo-poo" with a totally straight face. I must admit I stared in shock at their wall o' degrees when I first saw it because of the total disconnect between that and how they talk and interact with their children.

daisy said...

We had a big party at my library last summer, an after-hours VIP thing to kick off an exhibit we were having. We were all set up to have a full bar running from behind the circulation desk, and then someone vetoed it because they remembered that children were invited. What the fuck? We weren't going to make drinking MANDATORY.

Rufus said...

Yeah, it's weird! We used to go to Lion's Club get togethers when I was a kid and EVERYONE over the age of 18 was drunk! I think they even let us have a rum & Coke. My parents did not think my sister and I needed to be protected.

I think I turned out alright...