Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Prostitute Crisis

I think we all agree that the prostitute crisis is out of control. Right?

I mean, you see them in every major city, standing on street corners, loitering, breaking the law, and generally degrading the neighborhood culture. Think of all the social ills that are related to hookers- divorce, STDS, drug abuse, family breakdowns, AIDS. Not to mention the fact that they break several Biblical laws.

Even worse, they make their living doing something illegal. You and I have to work our asses off, just so they can peddle theirs? They take (blow)jobs away from American women! And they give next to nothing back to society, aside from a few happy endings.

Now, some people might say that hookers have existed since the beginning of time, and that they will probably always exist. Those people will say that no law has ever stopped certain men and women from selling sex. Moreover, they will say that we can make prostitution safer and eliminate every social ill related to it simply by legalizing it. Oh, sure, they will point to examples like Nevada, where the hookers have no STDs because they recieve regular health examinations, and pay taxes, and work just like anyone else. And they will say that this is the "rational" answer to a problem that will never go away. That it's just dealing with reality in a level-headed way.

But, again, I say that this is a crisis! And how do you know that I am right that this is a crisis? Because I have now said the work "crisis" four times!! So, it must be terrible!

These people might compare the hooker crisis to the marijuana crisis. They might say that the government has been trying to wipe out pot for several decades now with no real success. They might even suggest that, as ugly as it is, most American teenagers smoke marijuana, and go on to lead normal lives. They might say that the "reefer crisis" is a media-fueled, completely irrational public hysteria that creates bureaucracy, a criminal underclass and creeping state intrusion into our private lives.

But I say CRISIS!!

And then, these degenerates will point to the example of illegal immigration, and say that this too is a problem that has existed since the beginning of time, and which will likely never be solved, and which has never actually been solved anywhere in human history. That people have always crossed borders they weren't supposed to in order to gain access to better labor markets. That smuggling is as old as human history, and that the greatest Empires in history have all failed miserably in trying to stop it, and in some cases, destroyed themselves in doing so. That not even totalitarian countries have been able to stop illegal border crossings.

Oh, sure. They'll say that illegal immigrants, as well, provide a service to society that makes some people very uncomfortable, and yet they do not destroy society by providing that service. They will say that breaking a law out of economic desperation does not make a person a wanton criminal. They will say that this too is a manufactured, bullshit, media-created, fake crisis that distracts people from real problems caused by their shitty politicians and their failing wars.

Then, some of them, the very brave, might point out that an open-border policy, in which people who have passports could cross to any NAFTA country would actually be good for business, good for culture, and good for national security because it would allow us to actually regulate people who otherwise are hiding in the shadows of darkness outside of the law. They might even say that NAFTA should, logically, allow the free flow of workers, as well as widgets.

Some might even say that "unassimilated" Mexican immigrants pose no greater threat to our culture than any city's Chinatown or hassidim. Or prostitutes.

And they might conclude by saying that an open-border is the only rational answer to a problem that will never be solved, no matter how high a wall you build. That this is the only level-headed answer that honestly faces the reality of the situation, even though that reality is not pretty or reassuring.

To those people, I say CRISIS!!! CRIIIIISSSSIIIISSS!!!

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