Here's Dan Savage's great advice for a girl whose new boyfriend is getting sulky when she talks to other men: "Break. Up. With. Him. Now."
Jealousy is such a confusing thing for me. I was jealous in exactly one relationship I had, and there I was the classic jealous guy- sulky, accusatory, annoying. After that relationship ended, I just wasn't jealous anymore. I've had essentially open relationships, a threesome, and various monogamous matings, but never again was I the least-bit concerned about the things that consumed my 19-year old jealous self. Never again did I even worry when I was in a relationship. Even when I knew they were sure to end, I just let it roll off my back. It was like the jealousy I had at 19 was a tumor that was removed and never returned.
I guess maybe part of it was just realizing that being jealous makes no difference- the relationship will go south if it's going to go south, and jealousy won't change that. It just makes you look like a jerk. Jealousy is the quickest way to lose a woman, aside from hitting her.
With Claire, there's nothing she could do that could make me jealous, and I think it's because I have no doubt at all that her heart is mine. If that changed, maybe I would change. But, I think that jealousy comes from insecurity primarily, and I think that comes from one of three main sources:
1) The relationship is pretty lousy anyway, and you sense that it's not going to last,
2) Pressure from peers and family to have some stupid ideal patriarchal relationship,
3) A personal sense that they could do a lot better than you. (low self-esteem)
I think, with me, it was #1. Although I've had other lousy relationships, this was the only one in which I really wanted it to be better, and it just wasn't. And I do think that there are some men who are just controlling assholes. For them, I think it's a matter of #2- they were raised to believe in some ideal fantasy world version of a relationship. But, in general, I think that all jealousy-infused relationships are pretty much doomed. So, yeah, I'd agree with Dan.